


Bad Habit

by al_ex_an_d_er_hamiltons



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Rewrite, M/M, S04E07, So much angst, The Barbecue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 22:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19981219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/al_ex_an_d_er_hamiltons/pseuds/al_ex_an_d_er_hamiltons
Summary: Patrick had made a mistake. One that had hurt David, deeply. But if David Rose knew anything, it was knowing what it was like to try to run away from your past, ashamed of the things you’d left behind.





	Bad Habit

**Author's Note:**

> Title and inspiration from the song Bad Habit by Ben Platt (See notes at the end for lyrics)
> 
> This is basically what would have happened if things had been much darker for David after The Barbecue. An ~AU~ where Patrick leaves David alone to his own thoughts instead of burying him in olive branches. I know our sweet button face could never be considered a ‘bad habit’ but this song made me emo and parts of it just really screamed David x Patrick to me. 
> 
> PS, I could really use someone to read these over for me! All of my work thus far has not been beta'd so if anyone wants to volunteer, please let me know!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at al-ex-an-d-er-hamiltons.tumblr.com

David was spiraling.

Moments ago, he’d been enjoying a very dorky and embarrassing barbecue with his parents, his best friend, and his boyfriend, happily toasting to their lives together. And then suddenly, Alexis and some girl named Rachel showed up, calling Patrick her fiancé and every single thing in David’s universe came screeching to a halt; the world tipped off its axis, the ground unsteady beneath his feet.

He had retreated to his motel room, feeling physically ill, where Patrick had followed him and was now sitting on his bed, staring at the floor while David paced back and forth.

“You know, that day at Stevie’s. I tried to get you to tell me about your dating history, and you told me to ‘lock it up’. ‘Lock it up, David,’ that is what you said to me. And I guess it’s my own fault for not trying to open that box again but-“

“David, I-“

“No. No. I’m not…done yet.” David was shaking as he walked around the motel room, gesticulating wildly. He knew if he let Patrick speak now, he’d never get to say his piece. That’s how things always went with David. 

David Rose of two years ago would have laughed the whole situation off, pretending it didn’t bother him, shoving his feelings down, down, deep inside, never to see the light of day. Or worse, it _wouldn’t_ have bothered him. David was not one to do much self-reflection, but he knew he wasn’t the same person as he was before he came to Schitt’s Creek. It wouldn’t have mattered to past David Rose if his flavor of the week had been engaged. Or even married. Back then, he’d figured it wasn’t his problem.

Back then, David used people, and they used him. He got what he wanted from them, and that was all that really mattered. None of them had ever been given the power to hurt him like this. Sure, he thought he’d been heartbroken before; the brutal end of his brief stint as Sebastien Raine’s muse had resulted in David shame-eating for months on end, but it was nothing like what he was feeling this time. 

He was far and away from the man he’d been before, largely because of the man that was sitting in front of him now. The man who’d had a fiancé that David knew nothing about.

“You hid a fiancé from me, Patrick. Not just an ex. A _fiancé_. Someone you, at some point, planned to spend the rest of your life with. And she shows up here, and I find out she’s been trying to get back together with you the _entire time_ you and I have been dating. “

Patrick at least had the decency to look ashamed of himself, which somehow infuriated David even more.He wanted Patrick to yell, to fight with him. That was what David was used to. Lots of yelling, getting defensive. Turning the situation around to make _David_ feel like the one at fault.Patrick never would, though. Even-keeled, unshakeable, gentle, sweet Patrick. He wouldn’t yell, or fight back, or even try to defend himself. This quiet acceptance of David’s anger was unfamiliar territory, and David found himself plowing ahead before he lost his nerve.

“You stood in front of me and told me to trust people. When I was perfectly fine _not_ trusting people. Not trusting people is what I’m used to. Patrick I, I am…damaged goods. But at least before you came along, I knew that. And I was okay with it. But you made me feel like everything would be okay. You made me believe that-” _You loved me._ He wanted to say it,but he couldn’t. Not now. He stopped, taking a deep breath before continuing, more quietly than before.“You have just, really messed things up for me. And I think I need you to leave now.”

Patrick just nodded, looking down at the floor for a moment before getting up and walking towards the door, not saying a word. He paused in the doorway, casting one more look towards David. For a moment, he looked like he was going to say something, but he didn’t. The door shut behind him, leaving David utterly alone.How was it that easy for him to walk away? David didn’t really want to think about it for too long.

David didn’t like what this had done to him. What _Patrick_ had done to him.Patrick had systematically peeled away David’s rough exterior, layer by layer, leaving him raw and exposed.

Patrick had lulled him into this false sense of safety, quieting every self-doubt and crippling insecurity that David had clung to for years, had used as excuses to hold everyone at an arm’s length away. Every whisper in the back of David’s head that had told him, over and over again, that he was unloveable, unworthy, unnecessary, had slowly been drowned out by Patrick’s gentle ministrations. And for what?

Just a few weeks ago, Patrick had gotten up in front of everyone, looked David in the eyes and sang a love song to him. And David had been naive enough to believe he meant every word. David had looked back at him, in front of God and everybody, happy tears in his eyes, believing for the first time that he was truly loved. A lifetime of promises and a world of dreams, turned to dust.

David was angry about how much he missed Patrick. The easy way he would wrap his arms around David’s waist, pulling him close for a kiss. The way Patrick knew, by heart,his admittedly difficult and pretentious coffee order. The way Patrick could quiet his anxieties and reassure him. Even the way Patrick put up with his ridiculous family. There was a Patrick Brewer-sized hole in David’s heart, and he didn’t know how to make it stop bleeding out.It was like Patrick had crawled inside his skin, leaving no piece of him untouched. Every nerve ending, every fiber of his being had been infected by him over the last few months, and every single one of them ached.As much as he hadn’t wanted to admit it- and now, probably never would- David was falling in love with Patrick. And that’s exactly what made this so damn painful.

Part of David- most of him, actually- wanted to go running back. Even if it had all been a lie, it had _felt_ true. It made him feel good, in a way he hadn’t before. Not the temporary high of going home with a different beautiful person every night. Not the artificial buzz he got from rubbing elbows with A-listers at exclusive events.A true, genuine happiness, one that made him sleep easy and gave him butterflies and made him want to be a better man.

A day went by, then two, then five. David could feel himself retreating, rebuilding his emotional armor. Stevie, bless her, was being genuinely _nice_ to him, trying to keep him busy, distracting him from wallowing, but even those small acts of kindness hurt. David had asked Patrick to stay away for awhile, leaving him to handle the store by himself. It was incredibly lonely. He kept finding himself reaching for the phone to text him, only to remember he didn’t have any reason to. Logic told him Patrick was respecting his wishes by staying away, but the raw, broken part of his heart kept reminding him that Patrick was the one that needed to make amends, and that if he wanted to, he would. David took Patrick's silence as indifference, took it to mean that he was alone in wanting to fix things. But still, every time the bell above the door at the apothecary chimed, his heartbeat increased slightly, hoping to turn around and see that Patrick was the one who’d walked through the door. For an entire week, it was never him.

And on the eighth day, just as David was counting the drawer and getting ready to close the store, it was.

When the bell chimed, David barely glanced up from the register at first, preparing to simply tell the customer they were closing. He did a double take, heart pounding when he realized it was Patrick.

David hated the fact that he still got butterflies the moment he laid eyes on him. David hated the way Patrick’s blue button-up was open at the neck, sleeves rolled at the elbows, hated how attracted he still was to him. Hated that he had to force himself to remain where he was, standing behind the register, because all he really wanted to do was bury his face in Patrick’s chest, cling to him and never let go. David stood there for what felt like an eternity as Patrick awkwardly stood in the doorway, hands buried in the pockets of his jeans.

“Hey,” he said quietly. He was paler than usual. David said nothing as Patrick walked closer, finally coming to a halt in front of the counter. “Can we talk?”

David didn’t trust himself to respond verbally, lest he let loose all the desperate longing he’d kept pent up for the past week. He half-shrugged, then nodded, sliding the cash register drawer closed. Patrick took a deep breath, placing both palms face-down on the counter in front of him as if to steady himself. 

“David, I made a mistake by not telling you about Rachel. I hurt you, and I hate myself for it. I have tried to stay away this week, to give you your space. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve picked up the phone to call you, or how many times I drove over here before turning back around and going home. But…I miss you, David. And I know I really have no right to say that to you right now, because you probably hate me, and rightfully so. But please know, I never intended to hurt you.” Patrick paused for a moment, clearing his throat. His voice had grown shaky. David looked away from him, not trusting himself to remain silent and aloof when Patrick was pouring his heart out to him.

“Rachel and I have been on-and-off since high school. I proposed to her because she wanted me to, and I thought that was what I was supposed to do. But things never felt right with her, or any of the other girls I’ve been with, and for a long time I didn’t know why. So I called it off, and I left town. I hated myself for it. I kept asking myself why I couldn’t just make things work with her, why things felt so wrong.And then I met you.” Patrick paused again, and David fought the temptation to look back at him, to reach out, to tell him it was okay. David had said his piece that first day in the motel. Now it was Patrick’s turn.

“I know what ‘right’ is supposed to feel like now. _You_ make me feel right, David. And this entire week, everything has felt so wrong without you. I know I’m being selfish by coming here and asking you to forgive me. And if you say no, I will walk away, knowing it’s what I deserve, and I will never bother you again. But if there is even the slightest chance that you can forgive me, I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back.” 

Now, finally, David looked up at him. The look on Patrick’s face nearly knocked the wind out of him. David never wanted to see that look- tears in his eyes, utterly destroyed, devastatingly sad, heartbreakingly sincere- ever again. David was overwhelmed with affection and compassion for the man standing in front of him, felt a lump rising in his throat and his own eyes welling with tears. Patrick had made a mistake. One that had hurt David, deeply. But if David Rose knew anything, it was knowing what it was like to try to run away from your past, ashamed of the things you’d left behind. 

It seemed Patrick was finished speaking and waiting on David’s answer. David regarded the man before of him, considering his words carefully. He attempted to clear his throat, swallowing past the painful lump, and somehow put into words what he was feeling.But then, he decided, actions speak exponentially louder than words. He leaned across the counter, grabbed Patrick’s face in his hands, and kissed him.

Patrick broke away, and for a moment David was worried he’d made the wrong move, but then Patrick was stepping around the counter to be closer, pressing into David and kissing him again. Patrick’s hands found David’s waist, and David carded his ringed fingers through the short hair on the back of Patrick’s head. They were both fully crying by now, and the kiss was messy and emotional, like so much of life itself.

David felt like he had stepped into the sunshine after months of the most bitter winter; warm, grounded, and whole again. How had it only been a week since he’d had this? It felt like a lifetime.When they broke apart again, they simultaneously reached up to wipe the tears from each others’ eyes, smiling even as they were sniffling and somewhat snotty.

“I”m sorry, David.” Patrick said quietly. David leaned down slightly, resting his forehead on Patrick’s and closing his eyes.

“I know.” They both sighed, the huge emotional burden of the past week finally lifting off their shoulders. David’s world had righted itself, and he found himself on solid ground once again.

**Author's Note:**

> Bad Habit by Ben Platt:
> 
> You always said that I'd come back to you again  
> 'Cause everybody needs a friend, it's true  
> Someone to quiet the voices in my head  
> Make 'em sing to me instead, it's you
> 
> Hate to say that I love you  
> Hate to say that I need you  
> Hate to say that I want you  
> But I do
> 
> Bad habit, I know  
> But I'm needin' you right now  
> Can you help me out?  
> Can I lean on you?  
> Been one of those days  
> Sun don't wanna come out  
> Can you help me out?  
> Can I lean on you?
> 
> You make me feel like I'm floatin' off the ground  
> Above this little town, you do  
> Look at me smile with tears in my eyes  
> I love the way you lie, I do
> 
> Hate to say that I'm lonely  
> Hate to say that I miss you  
> Hate to say that it's dark in here  
> But it's true  
> Bad habit, I know  
> But I'm needin' you right now  
> Can you help me out?  
> Can I lean on you?


End file.
